The Sacred Quill

Venice icons - mainly from Alamy.

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What have you done that you wish you could apologize for?

Nothing! You should not do things that you are liable to apologise for afterwards. If you do then you should be all right with having done it.

Best to think before doing something.

Snow.

Snow looks so pretty when it is falling.

I bloody hate the stuff!

Of course.

We elves have the Halls or Valinor. The Halls of Waiting do not sound very exciting so I do not think I will go there.

 

Oh yes! I get mistaken for other elves all the time especially the blond ones!

Some times after a hard day working in meetings and organising I am so tired that I sleep soundly without dreaming.

Other times I dream about the times when I was small and I used to walk in the fields, picking ears of wheat and chewing on the berries. Then it shifts to witnessing the oath and crossing the sea. We thought we knew what we were doing and have rued that day ever since. I held no position of importance then and I am glad of that. Very few who were there survive today.

 

Last night I dreamed of Glorfindel. I think it was a dream; it seemed very real to me and I found a blond hair on my pillow. Odd that…

 

No, not at all. I do not believe in coincidence either.

 

When I was a warrior, before taking up the post of Chief Advisor, I used to go on long patrols around the borders of Imladris. This would entail a group of warriors, armed to the teeth and looking out for orcs and wargs to keep the lands free from evil. Every day we would kill a forest animal for food and look to the forest floor for roots and plants to include in a stew.

The fire would be made and lit and wooden struts tied off with twine and a crossbar would be erected to hang the meat. The skin would be stripped and the entrails removed. If the animal was small it would be left whole and hung over the fire and it was large it would be jointed and then hung. Some times, for a change, we would put the meat in a pot and cook it with the roots.

 

After a hard day ridding the borders of the presence of evil, this meal was very welcome.

 

I want everything, don’t you?

Glorfindel has a pet goat, which he keeps in our shared garden – he lives in the rooms next door to me. Every time it sees me, it becomes excited and tries to shag my leg. What it is to be sexually exciting to your neighbours pets!

 

My life would be much easier if it would ignore me and leave me alone when I try to read a book in the sunshine.

 

I laughed when I saw Glorfindel fall off his horse; that was very funny.

Unfortunately, I always laugh if someone falls over or trips up. I cannot seem to help myself!

Picking up after the careless mistakes of others.

Having to explain things to those who should know the answer already.

Arrogance – although I am guilty of that myself.

Many things really. I spend half my life storming around and yelling at others!

#9  What is my greatest fear?

 

My greatest fear, is that one day I might find that all I have ever done is for nothing and I slide into anonymity.

 

I have lived many thousands of years and there is nothing to fear anymore; not even fear itself. I sound jaded and perhaps I am. It is difficult to experience the extremes of emotion, when age has softened the edges of everything to a degree where everything becomes everyday and somewhat pointless. It is in this cast that I view my past achievements. Were they as good as they seemed to be?

 

My greatest fear will be realised one day… but will I care?

 

When I am feeling blue I ride out on the next patrol and kill some orcs. It never fails to cheer me, seeing the bastards with a sword through their guts and twisting in agony.

When there is no opportunity to go on patrol I refine my gift for sarcasm - I find it amusing.

The other day I said something trivial and Elrond looked at me and said, "The patrol doesn't come back for another three weeks but I am sure we can fit you on the next one."

Am I that obvious?

My greatest loss?

I am several thousand years old and immortal, so loss has been a recurring feature of my life.

Loss is one of the few consistencies of my life and is to be expected sooner or later. No one particular incident stands out. They were equally as sad.

They are best forgotten.

Hardly anything makes me lose my temper. I have seen the destructive nature of long running feuds starting from something so simple as to not be a cause at all; just because someone did not hold their temper in check.

 

Rudeness, I dislike but one can always counter that with sarcasm. The selfishness of others and injustice makes me angry but not enough for me to throw a full-blown fit. I prefer to work quietly behind the scenes, tacitly plotting destruction and smirk with just happiness as they fall from grace.

 

No wonder everyone fears me. It is with good reason.

 

What is my greatest fear?

 

My greatest fear is boredom. I am blessed or cursed with immortality, so it is an easy state to acquire. Humans are constantly able to fill their lives with new experiences; but elves have such long lives that new experiences rapidly run dry and we are beset by the tedium that is our existence.

 

Humans are so lucky that they have limited life spans, although they would not agree with me on that point.

 

The constant seeking out of new pleasures to alleviate our boredom leads to welcome excesses for which we are judged later, but I do not care.

 

Like any elf who has lived as long as I have, the escape of boredom is more important than considering the effects of my actions on others. I am not alone in this; the effects of another’s actions upon myself are of little consequence to them.

 

So long as life has something new each day, I am happy.

This is a simple one.

Lindir wrote a song for me and it was to celebrate my life. In it were such things as my sarcasm - which I have developed into an art form, my victories in the field and my love for Glorfindel who I fervently hope will one day be reborn. Other minor themes such as my accidently pissing up a wall inside the house when drunk, being caught having sex on Elrond's desk and stealing Celebrian's underwear because I like the feel of silk are also explored.

The song was irreverent and accurate. It is best forgotten.

Love.


What is love?

I have only felt the need to make love to one person and he is dead. Now I fulfil my physical needs but there is no one I feel close to.

I dare not get close to anyone in case I relive the grief of longing and the pain in my heart.

It nearly killed me last time.

My family?

They died so long ago. We were travelling from Lindon in a small party with a warrior guard where we were beset by a large army of orcs. My ada placed my heavily pregnant Nana and me in a tree, in anticipation of the fight to come. She held her hand over my mouth so I would not make a sound. My head was buried in her chest and I could hear her heartbeat increasing in rapidity. I managed to move my head to the side and wished I had not been so curious, because I was not spared the view of my ada being hacked to pieces, no more than fifteen feet away, by a group of laughing orcs. My Nana and I were the only survivors.

Some of the horses evaded capture and when the fighting was over and the orcs gone, we climbed down the tree. We sat for hours in the tree waiting for the orcs to leave and my mother had held her tears so as not to alert any who would hear. On the ground, she saw my Ada’s mutilated body and great heaving sobs wracked her body. Still being of a practical nature, she did not allow her grief to put us in danger and we set off down the road until we saw one of the escaped horses. It came at her bidding and we set off for Lindon on the road we had previously travelled.

I did not cry, but withdrew into my self and became silent. I read the books in the library unable to interact with those around me. There was nothing to say and I did not know what to say. It was easier not to talk. My Nana became frustrated and would scream at me. She said I was unnatural. It was not my fault that I did not know how to grieve in the expected way.

Shortly after, Nana gave birth but the signs of fading were already with her. She died shortly after leaving me with a small sister. I like to think that she met my Ada again in the Halls because now I can grieve and regret the pain I unwittingly cause her by never speaking again whilst she was alive.

We went to live with a couple on a farm. We grew strong and healthy and my sister married a warrior. History repeated itself and now I am alone.

I do not want to write any more. Time does not heal it just gives us more to think about.